Hey there♥️
It’s been so long and my blog has been so dry. Didn’t have the time to post anything but lately my life has been going up and down, like a crazy roller coaster ride. It’s hard to find words to put up on what i am going through and it sucks to be going through this situation. Thought i was strong enough for this but when lonely time comes, i breakdown so easily. Gathering myself up to brace through the day seeing my friends and family, was not easy but at the end of the day, i tried my best to hide my weakness. Something happened and it was only the first month of the year 2020 and I didn’t see this coming.
25th Of January 2020 is when i have loss someone who I truly and deeply love, my dad. The one who is full of knowledge and truly such a legend person, so fragile yet so tough but a very shy person. When i was a little girl, I had a lot of father and daughter moments with him. I remember he was always there when my mum is busy working. He would do anything to make me happy, all the time. He never fails to bring me to places like parks or gardens and take photo with his personal film camera. That is his favourite type of camera, always. He would always bring me to my grandparent’s house, they will give me some money and my dad would never fail to bring me to toy shop to buy anything that i want. My parents never really show that we were poor because the way they show love and care is really enough for us. They would buy us things that we want with what they have just to make us all of my siblings happy and satisfied.
Before he left us, he spend a whole month in the hospital. Maybe he knows that he might be gone soon but he tried his best to left some things behind so that we have some pieces of him to feel that he is with us. He came back at Friday night and we saw how he was, weak and lifeless but we think about the positive side. The next morning, I heard my mom kept on tapping my dad's chest as he was not responding to her. I quickly grab my phone and called the ambulance and seeing his condition, it was terrible. As we reached the emergency at the hospital, the doctors keep on updating us and told us they really tried their best to do what they can and have given the strongest antibiotics to him.
The doctor said they will push him to the normal ward and I kept thinking why they never brought them to ICU instead. As I reached to the ward, I saw him on the bed, lifeless. I was still confused about the whole situation but I let it go. Few mins later the doctor came and advise us to be mentally and emotionally prepared. I was not prepared. When the doctor left, 5mins later I saw him did not move and his breathing has stopped. I told my mum, why he is not breathing and she called the nurses to check on him. As they were checking, they did not said anything. I knew what happened but I just could not say anything until my mom asked and forced the nurse to tell her what happened, he just said, he's not there.
Everything happened so fast.
I miss him every single day and I wish I could make him happy on his last days with us. I know he is in the better place up there with my late sister.
I miss them both, very much. ❤
Al-fatehah❤
Nur Fatimah
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